In years past, it was quite common for parents to make nearly every decision for their children. Very few parents were enlightened enough to allow a child some independence, even with the choices that were not of paramount importance. For instance: what to wear to school, what sports to play, or the order in which their homework should be completed.
I think it is safe to say that parents want the best for their children. However, I am not sure all parents agree, or understand even, that a level of independence at a young age can add a level of critical thinking that will have positive impacts later in life.
For Example
A couple of weeks ago I was in the home of some friends when the phone rang. It was their son in California, who happens to be 29 years old. He wanted to know if it would be all right to go to Australia for a well-deserved two-week vacation.
On the surface this seems like a fairly innocent question, but when you truly examine it, why would someone that lives 3000 miles away, owns their own home, and lives an affluent lifestyle need approval from his parents to go somewhere on vacation? There is nothing wrong with asking for some parental advice from time to time, but when this validation becomes habitual in order to make decisions, it feeds the lowest victim energy in all of us.
Two Types of Leaders
For all intents and purposes there are two different types of leaders. There are those that lead by making their own decisions and then those that are led by other people’s decisions. In the coaching profession, we refer to this as “leading by choice or default”. Leaders that make their own decisions are the cause of their life, whereas, people that live their life by other people’s decisions are at the effect of someone else’s life.
When people are at the effect of others it feeds the lowest form of victim energy and a feeling of helplessness. People think “no matter what I do, I am going to lose”; that is a tough way to go through life. As coaches we are keenly aware of these energy levels and in a position to shift their leadership style and raise their level of energy.
Help Your Child Lead
In truth, parents who do not allow their children to be part of the decision-making process produce victim energy in their children. That, coupled with a feeling of helplessness as they age, is a recipe for indecisiveness and dependency on others to lead their lives.
Engage your child in the decision making process by discussing the choices they have. This dialogue creates self worth and confidence that leads to better decision-making skills as they grow and mature. This is an invaluable skill to develop early on to foster strong leadership in their adult life. By doing so, they will become independent thinkers, captains of their own ships and have positive influence over others they interact with throughout life.
Dr. David Kaplowitz, Certified Professional Coach at The Future You Coaching.
[email protected], or 888-883-6863, or visit the website at: thefutureyoucoaching.com.
