Why is it that just when it’s time to go to sleep, kids suddenly have endless questions? A friend of mine says his son turns into “an affection-starved, dehydrated, renaissance philosopher-student” whenever it’s time to go to sleep. Does this sound familiar?
During the day, my son never seems to have a keen interest in topics such as science, philosophy, or genealogy. But when his pajamas are on, the lights are out, and his head is about to hit the pillow, he urgently needs to know the answers to questions about history, biology, theology, mathematics and so much more. So, so much more.
Here are 25 burning kid questions that simply must be answered before Mr. Sandman can come and deliver sweet, sweet dreams. Please. Now. No more questions. I mean it!
1. What are stars made of?
2. What’s Grandma doing right now?
3. Why do boys and girls have different body parts?
4. Is Dr. Seuss really a doctor?
5. When I was born, where exactly did I come out of your body?
6. Do you know how to do the tango?
7. Who’s smarter, robots or humans?
8. Can I get my pajamas tailored?
9. What’s 89 times 147?
10. What are taxes?
11. Where will I live when I’m a grownup?
12. Why are you always trying to get me to eat vegetables?
13. When can I have my own cell phone?
14. What’s gluten?
15. Did they have snacks in the olden days?
16. Why do you have so much hair?
17. Why do I smell like ham?
18. Is nighttime or morning a better time to be naked?
19. Why do rocks look like giant pieces of poop?
20. Are there a lot of whales in Russia?
21. How do you get to another dimension?
22. Are pirates real?
23. What did cavemen eat?
24. Why can’t I take the cat to school?
25. Why do I need to sleep every night?
The next time your kid won’t go to sleep, remember: Eventually, at some point, your child will fall asleep. Then you can ask yourself a question: “Why is it that all I want to do is sleep, and my kid never wants to sleep?” Before you hit the hay, you might find yourself Googling many of these questions, so next time you’ll be prepared with the answer to “How many astronauts are in space right now?” (Actually, there’s an app that tells you that, with real-time updates. You’re welcome.)
Janine Annett is a writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Real Simple, Woman’s World, Mommy Poppins and other places. She lives in Westchester with her husband, son and dog. janin