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Back in the Saddle Again

I read this incredible exposé the other day about an 86-year-old woman who decided she wasn’t ready to just spend her life listening to audio books or counting the teaspoons in her silverware drawer. “I can die falling off a horse or in front of daytime television. And I know which way I’d rather go,” she told the author of the article. And just like that, this woman got out of her rocker and back into the saddle.

At dinner that night I shared what I had read with my family. My daughter Grace became very concerned about the elderly woman’s welfare. “What if she falls off the horse Mama? She could break a hip.” To which my jokester son replied, “Maybe she should get Life Alert like in those commercials … I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up! (Yes, I do believe he inherited his dry sense of humor from me.)

While this was certainly not the dinner conversation I imagined when I brought up the topic, it definitely made the broccoli go down easier.

After the dishes were washed and the children tucked in their beds, I once again tried to broach the subject with my husband. “Seriously, this woman who is double my age is taking more chances than I am. Maybe I should try something new,” I said. My husband, afraid that his wife no doubt was starting to go through some type of midlife crisis, knew better than to argue, make fun of me, or even talk. He nodded his head in agreement and pretended to listen as I continued on. “Maybe I should try horseback riding too, or learn to drive a race car or start to jog!” And just like that, what seemed like a good idea became a plan of action.

Since I am allergic to hay and tend to get carsick rather easy I went with jogging. Those of you who follow my column here know that there have been many attempts at exercise programs. But this time it was going to be different. This time I was focused, had passion and a fabulous new pair of running shoes that looked so cute with my new running tights. I looked and felt the part. Now I needed to heed the advice of the old Nike commercial and “Just Do It!”

It was a gorgeous day to start jogging. OK, for me it was more like wogging, a walk/jog thing where I panted hard and pretended I knew what I was doing. But instead of just concentrating on wogging, I was thinking of all the things I needed to do the rest of the day. I believe it was somewhere between calling the accountant and sending in the renewal for my car registration when, bam! I missed the fact that the sidewalk had suddenly sloped up. I lost my footing and as if in slow motion I began to plummet. In a conscious effort to not fall on my face or drop my iPhone, I fell completely on my left knee and then rolled over onto my back and lay there like a turtle unable to get up. I took a mental inventory of my body parts. Yup, everything still there, minus some skin of course.

You know when you are teaching your kids to ride a bike and they inevitably fall down and scrape their knee and we are all, “Oh get up it’s not so bad” and they are all, “Mommy it hurts so bad!” well guess what – they are right!

Finally I was able to get up and started limping home. After about a block I decided to forgo the hero act and called my husband to come get me in his car. I have to give the guy credit because he managed to fight back his laughter long enough to clean me up and gauze me back together.

My darling children did nothing to make my bruised ego and body any better either. My daughter looked at me lying pathetically on the sofa and said, perhaps a tad too sweetly, “Mama, never mind getting back into the saddle, I think we should just put you out to pasture.” To which I replied, “As long as I don’t have to ‘woggle’ back for dinner, go right ahead!”

Sharon Fuentes is a regular contributor to Westchester Family.

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