Helping Hands

Recently I was shopping in a department store.  A boy about 6 years old was laying spread eagle in the aisle. People were carefully walking past him, but it was clear from their faces that everyone who had to step over the child was annoyed and wondering who was in charge of this boy and his inappropriate behavior. His mother was nearby, also looking at clothes.  “Get up John,” she said quietly to the boy. “Go with your Aunt and I will meet you in a few minutes.” She motioned to another woman standing nearby. The boy did not move. The mother spoke a little louder this time. “John, I said get up and go with your Aunt!” There was still no response from the boy. I quietly watched the drama unfold in front of me. The other shoppers also dropped their pretense of shopping and stared openly at the scene. The mother could feel their eyes on her. Between clenched teeth she shouted, “John, get up NOW.”

I saw the scene escalating. On one hand, I did not want to get involved. On the other hand, I had a good idea what might happen if no one stepped in. I walked towards the mother. When I caught her eye, I smiled.  “My kids are adults now, but I remember when they were little and would do things like that. It brings me back.” She began to relax immediately. She seemed thankful that someone understood her and did not judge her. She ignored her son for a moment and continued to look at the clothes.  The boy quietly got up and walked over to his aunt.

Most parents know the feeling of having their child throw a temper tantrum or behave badly in public. It may be because they “need” that sugary cereal or brightly colored toy. Some parents feel the world is looking at them and seeing a bad parent who cannot control their child. They may be feeling a little embarrassed. They may feel that the child is manipulating them on purpose or is trying to be hurtful.  If we see this happening, we may want to help, but don’t know how.

Here are some ways that we can offer help to parents who seem “at risk”:

* Start a conversation with the adult to re-direct their attention away from the child. For example, “Children can wear you out, can’t they?  Is there anything I can do to help?”

* Talk to the child and divert their attention from the object that is causing the problem.

* Look for an opportunity to praise the parent or child.

* If the child is in danger, offer assistance. For example, if the child is left unattended in a grocery cart, stand by the child until the parent returns.

* Avoid negative looks or remarks. These reactions are likely to increase the parent’s anger and make the situation worse.

A Family Cycle

Child abuse is a problem that is both insidious and pervasive.  It occurs without regard to race, ethnicity, creed or financial status.  It can have physical, emotional or sexual aspects.  While child abuse can occur outside the home, most incidents take place within a family.

A painful fact about child abuse is that nearly without exception, abusing parents were themselves abused children.  Thus both the child and the parent become victims.  If this problem is not dealt with the tragic situation not only continues, but spreads even further.

A Community Problem

The costs to the community for allowing child abuse to remain unaddressed are significant. Research indicates that our penal system is filled with people who had been abused as children. Additionally, there increased costs to our foster care, educational and mental health systems as a result of child abuse.

However, with effective intervention and education, this cycle can be broken.  We provide programs and services that support families before crises emerge.  We help to ensure that children can enjoy their right to grow up in healthy and happy homes.

The Child Abuse Prevention Center of NY: We Strengthen Families

The Child Abuse Prevention Center of NY is a not-for-profit organization established in 1982 whose mission is to reduce the incidence of child abuse and neglect utilizing trained community volunteers.  A combination of volunteers, graduate Social Work Interns and professional staff work together using a home visitation model that strengthens the parent/child relationship and improves the home atmosphere.  A Parent Aide meets with the overwhelmed parents in their own homes once a week.  They teach parenting skills, effective discipline methods, anger management, stress relief techniques and child development.  The Parent Aide models positive parenting interaction and often connects the family with other support networks. 
All services are provided free of charge to the vulnerable families.
 

Help Us Prevent Child Abuse: “Take Steps!”

Please walk with us in our upcoming walkathon: “Taking Steps Against Child Abuse”  on Sunday, April 28th, 8:30am at Rye Playland. This is a 5K (3.1 mile or 1/2 mile stroll) walk to raise awareness about how each of us can prevent child abuse and neglect. The much-needed proceeds from the walk go towards community education and helping vulnerable families.