“Wait a minute! Didn’t I just pack them up and send them off to camp?” It must seem that way for many of you but the reality is, a new school year is about to start. Every year, parents start out with lots of fresh, new school supplies and optimism about a school year that is both academically productive and socially happy. Although there are different demands for different age groups, parents can do many things to help a child have a productive and happy year. Let’s begin with general notions for all age groups.
Beware of Over-scheduling!
There are so many temptations; from soccer to dance to music to tennis to religious instruction, the options and temptations are an all-you-can-eat buffet of afterschool choices. Like a buffet, you have to be careful not to overeat or you won’t feel well. It is the same thing with over scheduling those few hours between the end of school, homework time, family time and bedtime. Yes, we want our children to have all we had or did not have and want them to have a variety of experiences, but children get tired too. School is a job. A good student has to make a real effort to focus and pay attention, to think, to learn. While it is not the same as a physical effort, it can be exhausting. The key word to keep in mind is “balance.” It is good for your child as well as for you. A parent stressed by endless chauffeuring, is a parent less available to her child.
Create Structure and Set Limits
Believe me, your children will love you for it. When they grow up your children will tell you that they were glad you did this for them. Kids have friends; parents do not need to be their friends, although of course, it is nice if it works out that way when they are older. Most children must be taught how to create structure and you can be the teacher. Create schedules that are predictable even though the schedule might be different each day. Teach your child how to create the structure with you so he has some input and sense of control while learning how to plan, organize and keep track of a busy day and week. A sense of control can be created by doing this while simultaneously reducing the anxiety that comes from a lot to do in a limited amount of time. We all need some down time, either in the form of watching a favorite TV show or a five-mile run or 15 minutes of shooting baskets or video games. Be sure to build that in too.
Be Alert to Your Child’s Learning Patterns
This one can be a little tricky for most parents, but it is so important. What are some of the clues you can use to begin to figure out your child’s learning style, strengths and weaknesses? Homework that provokes procrastination or is avoided and complained about might be in a subject area that is more challenging for your child. If he always wants to do the math homework first, but finds a lot of ways to avoid anything with reading or writing, that’s a clue about possible reading, spelling or handwriting challenges. If your daughter loves lunch and recess, but cannot name an academic subject she likes, that might make you wonder about why there’s no subject that interests her. Try not to assume that all subjects are equal or that the ones you loved will be the ones your child loves. It is important to remember that different subject areas require different skill sets. For any child those skills might not be equally developed.
Now let’s consider specific goals by different age levels.
Elementary School Children
The early grades are really about learning to read the words off the page. However, keep in mind that the ultimate goal is to have the ability to read the words off the page in order to understand what is being read. In other words, reading comprehension is the ultimate goal.
If you have not been doing it, read to your child as often as possible. This is an amazing gift in several ways. It offers your child enormous exposure to language (and language is what school is all about), vocabulary, more complex sentences, diverse story lines, far away places, a variety of personalities, experiences and emotions. Most of all, it communicates to your child that you love reading and more than that, you love reading with him.
Try not to make it a test! Make comments about what you are reading, rather than asking questions. An interest in reading is a wonderful legacy (I still read to my sons and they read to me whenever we come across something of interest – and they are 21!) and makes going to school easier.
Middle School Students
For middle school students (and even high school students if they let you), being aware of who their teachers are and what the course expectations are going to be is a way of helping to teach them time management and multi-tasking skills. They must learn how to meet the demands of different teachers. These days, so much homework is posted online that this can be a means of helping your child to schedule, plan for long-term projects and tests, as well as monitor multiple homework demands. In essence, you are working with your child to create a “game plan” for succeeding with an array of different teachers’ styles, a variety of test and project schedules and the other demands in their lives (see above, Beware of Over-scheduling).
Give some or all of these suggestions a try and add your personal spin based on your style and your child’s. I can tell you from professional and personal experience that they work. Good luck and have a great school year!
Lydia H. Soifer, Ph.D., is director of The Soifer Center for Learning and Child Development, 1025 Westchester Ave., White Plains. www.soifercenter.com.
